


No Vakarian without Shepard

by The_Jade_Goblin



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Did I Mention Angst?, F/M, Mentions of Suicide, Post ME3, You've been warned, because angst, serious angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-14 04:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9160672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Jade_Goblin/pseuds/The_Jade_Goblin
Summary: As everyone knows, there is no Shepard without Vakarian, but that works both ways. There won't ever be a Vakarian without Shepard





	1. Chapter 1

“You know I love you, right Garrus?”

Shepard’s smile lit up her face, she looked beautiful in the morning sun. Garrus went to caress her cheek with his talon, before her face faded away. The picturesque garden they were in faded into a black abyss, and the faint sounds of gunfire could be heard as though he were in a cone of silence some distance away.

He blinked, and there he was, standing in the middle of the batteflied. He remembered this battle. Reaper lazers ripped through the landscape, Alliance soldiers fell screaming in agony. And in front of them all, in her blazing N7 armour – Shepard.

“No matter what happens here, you know that I love you.” Shepard said cupping his face. “I always will.”

“I…”

She was gone before Garrus could speak. She ran, and kept running as the world exploded around her. He could hear her heavy breathing as though he were next to her, wounded panting as she struggled forward with her wounds, desperate to get to the beacon.

Then, the world went fuzzy, and everything faded to black. Once again Garrus was standing in a black abyss, surrounded by nothing but the dark. He heard the faint sound of footsteps, and turned. Shepard stepped slowly towards him, dressed in her black evening dress and an alluring smile.

“I love you so much Garrus.” She murmured as she reached him, and put her arms around him. “Shall we dance?”

Garrus closed his eyes, and the phantom Shepard disappeared. He stepped forward, before kicking something laying on the ground. Frowning, he picked it up. A used pistol without a clip. He continued to move forward, following the vague sounds of clinking glasses and quiet chatter.

“If I’m up there in that bar and you’re not, I’ll be looking down.” Shepard’s voice whispered in his ear, but when he turned, there was nothing.

“You’ll never be alone.” The voice whispered.

_Never…_

_Never be alone…_

_Never…_

_Never be alone…_

“I’ll always be alone Shepard.” He said. “I’m always alone.”

Shepard appeared before him, her Alliance blues free of blood and burns.

“Then find me.” She said. “Find me Garrus.”

“How? How can I find you?” Garrus asked desperately.

Shepard began to fade away.

“No don’t you disappear again! How?” Garrus cried. “Dani tell me! Please! I – I can’t do this without you…”

She stopped fading, and frowned. Stepping forward, she brought her hand up to cup his cheek plate.

“I love you Garrus. I always will.” She said. “I’m always here with you. There is no Shepard without Vakarian."

“Dani I…I miss you…”

Shepard smiled. “Find me Garrus, I’ll be waiting at the bar.”

She vanished, leaving Garrus alone. Determined, he set off towards the sounds he had heard before. Though all before him was darkness, he kept moving towards the sounds.

He wanted to wake up. He wanted so desperately to wake up, to see Shepard sleeping peacefully in his arms, to kiss his forehead and tell him it was all just a bad dream. But he couldn’t wake up. And it wasn’t a dream.

He’d had so many plans…

He heard giggling, and stopped. Turning to one side, he saw a grassy hill, a small house on top. Out of the front door came a young human child, red hair flying in the wind as she ran down the hill, giggling as she did so. After her came a young turian boy, firing play darts at the girl as she ducked and dodged, returning the fire once she found cover in the bushes.

“Children no battle games before dinner!”

Shepard looked different. Her face was rounder, her hair longer, and her eyes tired. But she was smiling as she stood in the doorway, a hand on her bloated stomach.

“Come inside and wash up for dinner, then you go out and play!” she called.

The children grumbled and protested, but decided to race back to the house at the mention of their favourite foods. The young girl won the race, almost knocking over the pregnant Shepard in the process.

“Woah!” she braced herself against the door as the children entered the house.

“Kids what have I told you about running in the house?” Garrus griped. “You don’t want to hurt your baby brother, do you?”

“Sorry daddy,” the children chimed. “Sorry mama.”

The scene faded away, replaced by a now bitter-sweet memory. Garrus and Shepard were laying on a grassy hill, watching the clouds go by. They weren’t talking, just lying beside each other, relaxing in the summer breeze.

“We should retire.” Garrus murmured.

Shepard snorted. “I don’t think the galaxy would be able to handle that.”

“Maybe not, but we’ve earned it I think. If we survive this suicide mission, I think the galaxy won’t be needing us for long.”

Shepard chuckled. “And where would we go? Palaven?”

“I was thinking here.”

“Earth?”

“It’s your home, isn’t it?”

“I’ve never liked it much. Too many bad memories.” Shepard replied. “But this…this is nice. We could make new ones.”

“I’ll build us a home on a hill just like this one. We’ll settle down, make money of the royalties of the vids they’ll make of us. Maybe find out what a turian-human baby looks like.”

Shepard laughed. “I’m game.”

She glanced over at him. “Garrus? Why do you look so sad?”

It was then that Garrus realised the scene before him had disappeared, and the phantom Shepard had appeared in front of him once again.

“Garrus?” she asked. “What’s wrong? Can’t you wake up? You need to wake up.”

“Why?” Garrus asked glumly.

“You don’t belong here Gare. You need to wake up.”

“You won’t be there when I do.” He said.

Shepard looked sad. “I’ll be looking down. I’ll be at the bar, saving you a drink.”

“You’ll be saving it for a while sweetie.” Garrus sighed.

“No…I don’t think so…” Shepard faded away, and Garrus looked down at his hands to see blue blood.

Blood?

The side of his head felt warm, and he reached up to touch it. Blood came away on his talons. He turned his head, feeling light-headed, and started back towards the sounds in the ever-growing blackness. He had to make it to that bar.

“Garrus not that way.” Shepard’s voice said in his ear. “Come find me in the waking world. You’re not alone yet.”

“You’re alone in that bar Dani.” Garrus said. “And so am I.”

“It’s not your place Gare, please wake up.” Shepard insisted.

“Not without you.”

Garrus continued on, and finally out of the gloom, he found the bar. As he stepped into the scene, it enveloped him, and the darkness was replaced by the dimly lit bar. As he weaved through the tables, he spotted Legion tapping away on his omnitool. Anderson sat on the bar, nursing a pint of beer as a redhead laughed beside him.

“Shepard…”

The redhead turned, and her green eyes widened.

“Gare…?” slowly, she picked herself off the barstool, and walked towards the turian.

“You…you can’t be here. Not yet. Not now.” Shepard reached up to cup his face, not believing what she was seeing. “You didn’t wake up like I told you.”

“I told you I wouldn’t without you.” He said firmly.

“Oh Gare…I’m already awake. Wake up honey, you have to wake up.”

Garrus heard the beeping of a machine, and suddenly bright lights invaded his eyes. Blinking several times, his mind cleared, the ceiling moving on without him. The ceiling was moving?

“Garrus!”

Liara?

“Garrus! Please wake up!”

She was crying?

Garrus could see a white ceiling now, the lights moving over his eyes as he flew down the hallway. Flew? No, not flew. He was on a gurney. A surgical team rushing him down the hall.

His head felt warm again, his vision blurring. He could smell blood.

“We’re losing him!” someone cried.

“No! You can’t lose him!”

The white ceiling began to fade away, slowly being replaced by the darkness. The scene changed, and he was once again back in the darkness, a gun in his hand. Then, a pair of hands reached out, and took the gun from him. He looked up at Shepard, who smiled sadly, and behind her the bar appeared once more, a drink in place for him.

“Oh Gare…why did you have to do it?” she murmured, reached up to touch the wound on his head, blue blood staining her fingers.

“I can’t wake up without you.” He rasped. "There's no Vakarian without Shepard."

Shepard set the gun down on the bar, and took a seat. Garrus did the same. She raised her glass, as did he.

“To us then.” She said. “And all those we left behind.”

Their glasses clinked, and they downed their drinks. 

 


	2. Alternate Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for even more angst, here's an alternate ending (and my original ending in fact)

 

Shepard stood over the casket, tears falling freely down her face. She was leaning heavily against Tali, but she had wanted to stand for this. 

She heard a hiccup and looked up to see Liara crying again. She looked back down at the casket. The Vakarian sigil had been painted on it.

Shepard closed her eyes, wobbling a little on her unsteady legs. Tali gripped her tighter. 

"When?" she asked hoarsely.

"What...?" Liara hiccuped. 

"When did this happen? How long did this happen?" 

"Yesterday." Tali murmured. "He was convinced...he said you weren't going to wake up. The doctor was going to pull the plug...Miranda stopped him, but Garrus didn't know that..." 

Shepard took an unsteady breath. "Yesterday." she repeated in a whisper. "I'm a day late. Only a day late."

"It's not your fault Danica," Liara said. "Garrus loved you too much to live without you, please don't blame yourself for that."

"You're right Liara." Shepard murmured. "Would you two excuse me, please? I need...a moment with him." 

"Of course Shepard, take your time." 

Tali helped Shepard sit on the ground by the casket and the girls went back inside the hospital. 

Shepard sat on the grass, her hand on the casket, for a long time and did nothing. She didn't speak, she didn't blink, she barely breathed. 

"Oh Garrus..." she finally whispered, her voice quiet and scratchy with little use. "I'm sorry I came too late..." 

She rest her head against the casket. "All you had to do was wake up...wait one more day...why did you do it...?"

She'd never cried so much in her life as she had over the last 18 hours since waking up and being informed of Garrus' death.

Shepard looked up, a dull resolve in her eyes. 

"You better be saving me a drink up there Vakarian." she said, gripping her pistol beneath her jumper. "Because you won't have long to wait."

She pulled the trigger, and she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. She winced, but the pain didn't last long. 

She fell back, everything going blurry and black, and finally, she let out a sigh, and closed her eyes. 

 

All went black. 

There was nothing but darkness around her, every way she turned. 

Then, faintly, she heard the sound of glasses clinking, and soft conversation over quiet music. 

She turned and headed to the sound, her footsteps getting quicker and louder the closer to the sound she got. 

She kept going until eventually she was running, and suddenly she saw what she was running to. 

"Shepard!" the whole bar seemed to cheer her name as she came in, and the blackness behind her disappeared. 

She looked down at herself and saw she was wearing an elegant black gown. She heard a clink of glass, and suddenly a drink was being pushed into her field of vision.

She glanced up, and she smiled at last. 

"Garrus..."

"I saved you a drink. I may have gotten started a little early, but you'll catch up in no time." Garrus said cheekily.

Shepard took the offered drink, and gently clinked it against Garrus'.

"I bet I can drink you under the table even in death Vakarian."

"We'll see about that Dani, we'll see." 

She took a seat at the bar beside the turian, and lifted her drink to her lips. 


End file.
